It's overcast and drippy, the perfect recipe for climbing into bed and sleeping all day. And since I went out this morning (dressed, washed my face, brushed my teeth, went to two garden stores/nurseries and had lunch with husband and others) then I feel a little entitled to a bit of a nap. So I'm going to make a list, and when I've finished those things then I can nap.
-Hang picture frames. I bought several yesterday to hang in a cluster, then arranged them and rearranged them on the kitchen floor. I like them, now. So they need to get on the wall before they get broken.
-Repot my plants. They need bigger pots, and then they need to come inside because the temp is dropping tonight. I just need to understand that they are pretty much houseplants and won't enjoy living on my sunny deck, no matter how much I want them to.
-Run three loads of laundry. We're out of nearly everything, and it needs to be done.
If I can do those few things, then I think that will have been a productive day. My sweet husband cleaned the whole kitchen while we were at church yesterday, and it was just the best surprise to come home to see. He said he didn't do it to help me (which hurt my feelings) but because it needed to be done; apparently "dirty dishes in the sink" makes him have a "depressed feeling."
I need to learn to accept help, no matter the form it comes in or the spirit behind it. Help is help is help, and right now I need help.
Yesterday:
We spent the afternoon in the city engaging in a little retail therapy. I bought a little purple pot for my wandering jew sprigs that have rooted in the mushroom jar in my kitchen window. While I'm repotting, I plan on potting that one too. I also bought a pretty little wind chime and a monogrammed apron. There were other things, of course, but those were my "happys."
Also, yesterday, I understood that this phase of my life has been a long time coming. I've been tapping the reserves for who knows how long, getting an occasional recharge here or there as they came along, but mostly just running on fumes. My reserves were tapped out.
"I feel emotionally tired," I remember saying more than once in the past few months. That was a clue, but we couldn't understand it. The nights when husband went to men's group and I couldn't wait to put the baby to bed so I could have a few hours alone to watch tv or surf the web were a clue, but I didn't realize it. And all those times that I had to will myself to get up, to put my shoes on, to unload the groceries, to get out of the car, to walk across the house... those were all clues, and next time I'll be better prepared.
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